Frustration. Anxiety. Exhaustion. Stress.
So many successful people are walking around full of stress and feeling miserable. It can feel like there’s never a break. However, from the outside looking in, it seems that everything is in order and life is good. Then why are you walking around not feeling calm, happy, and energized?
Stress Check-Up
If you can say 80% of your life is “pretty good” are you happy and joyful 80% of your time?
Can you answer these TWO simple questions?
What percentage of your life is going OK in general? (Physical safety & health, All relationships & marriage and children, Financials, Career, and so on.)
- 20% or less
- 40%
- 60%
- 80% or higher
What percentage of time do you feel generally stressed, tired or anxious?
- 20% or less
- 40%
- 60%
- 80% or higher
If your answers are your material life is 80% good, but feel stressed most of the time like 60% or higher, would it be safe to say you are suffering your life more than you should?
As you can see, your life experience does not match what your life actually is. Sure. You may need to spend more time on the problems to take care of things, but if you are not experiencing joy and pleasure in equal proportion at a bare minimum then you are not fair to yourself.
Identifying the Causes of Your Stress
What’s in the way for you to feel 80% peaceful and joyful when 80% of your life is well? Isn’t it about time to have a workshop on your life to evaluate your life strategies and key action items?
Some may say they have to be frustrated, anxious, and stressed because life is. However, countless studies show you perform the best when you feel good and joyful. What’s wrong in this picture? Would you believe me if I say it is from Harvard?
In 2014, Harvard Business Review had a report on their research surveying on 740 global business leaders about the state of mind. They all agreed The state of Calm, Happy and Energized (CHE) are the drivers for high performance. The state of Frustrated, Anxious, Tired and Stressed (FATS) can be beneficial for a short period of time, but definitely not good for a long-term. When FATS permeates through your life, it will be detrimental to yourself and your relationships.
Shifting into a Calm, Happy, Energized State
The 740 leaders self-claimed they are Calm, Happy and Energized for 94% of the time, but my past 25 years of experience in the corporate world tells me they are overly generous in self-evaluation. Would you agree?
However, they also recognized that it is much harder to shift from the frustrated, anxious and stressed mindset to Calm, Happy and Energized states.
Why? Because it is the STICKINESS and LACK OF BALANCE in your physical and mental life.
The Stickiness leads to patterned negative responses to stressors as you cry out “I can’t help but do this way.” The Lack of Balance leaves you little tolerance to stressors.
You have been bombarded with advises like “eat well, exercise regularly, eliminate clutters, relax, take vacations, do meditation, and so on” but this hasn’t profoundly helped you. Many tried to get through issues with drinking, shopping, or straying away from their spouses. You can explore another fad, but It’s time to do something fundamentally different and do something that actually works. As you know, sometimes, having a good sounding board, like a therapist, can really help to the core of the issues.
Real help should provide 1) clarity in issues and current responses, 2) illuminates maladaptive patterns of functioning, and 3) actionable tools and ongoing guidance in practice.
Let’s do this. You deserve to be happy and your life can flourish. We can help.
Palms joined.
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Han Kim, LMSW helps successful mid-career professionals stop chasing the things that make them feel miserable without feeling lost and exhausted. Schedule a free phone consult to find out how you can spend more of your time calm, happy, and energized.
Reference: How Your State of Mind Affects Your Performance, Harvard Business Review 2014