How to handle tough times is one of life’s biggest challenges. Life has a way of crashing waves over us when we least expect it. The same event can provoke vastly different responses in different people. That’s okay. Some of us cry, some of us get angry, and some of us deep-clean the entire house at 2 a.m. (If you’ve ever scrubbed your baseboards while stressed, you’re in good company.)

We’re all standing in different places as life’s waves roll in. Sometimes you’re ankle-deep, other times you’re drenched. Our nature and experiences shape how we handle these waves. Some of us hesitate to wade in, fearing we’ll be swept away or overwhelmed, while others can’t wait to dive in and surf the biggest, fastest waves. There’s no right or wrong way—just your way.

Being true to yourself during tough times is key to learning how to handle tough times. Let’s talk about how to handle tough times—when life throws in a rip tide, and you feel afraid of drowning.

1. Pause and Let the Waves Settle

When things get tough, our brains naturally kick into one of four common responses: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. These are often referred to as trauma responses, but here, let’s think of them as natural responses during difficult times. They’re how our bodies and minds try to keep us safe when life feels overwhelming.

Some people might feel the urge to fight—to argue, push back, or take immediate action. Others might lean toward flight, wanting to get out of the situation entirely. Then there’s freeze, where it feels like you can’t do anything at all, and fawn, where you try to smooth things over and make peace as quickly as possible. None of these responses are wrong—they’re just different ways of handling the waves.

Not every situation needs an automatic reaction. That’s where the power of pausing comes in. Think of it as a lower-stakes freeze moment—like a deer pausing on the side of the road before deciding when it’s safe to cross, rather than freezing in the headlights. Pausing gives you a chance to evaluate what’s happening and choose a response that aligns with your values and goals.

Quick Tip: When you feel a response bubbling up, ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now?” and “How do I actually want to respond?” For example, if a coworker emails you a passive-aggressive comment about a project, your first instinct might be to fire back a snippy reply. Pausing gives you a chance to breathe and instead respond with, “Let’s hop on a quick call to clarify things.”

Relatable Moment: Picture this: Your partner comes home and immediately comments, “Why is the kitchen such a mess?” Your gut reaction might be to snap back, “Well, maybe if you helped more!” Pausing, instead, lets you say, “It’s been a long day. Let’s tackle it together after dinner.” A small pause can completely shift the tone of the moment.

2. Conserve Your Energy for Bigger Waves

Learning how to handle tough times doesn’t mean diving into the deep end of every tough situation. It’s okay to wade in the shallow end and take baby steps as you’re able. Not every wave requires you to tackle it head-on. Sometimes, letting it roll in while you figure out your next move is the best strategy—especially if you know you’ll need your energy later.

Practical Advice: If a situation feels overwhelming, give yourself permission to focus on small, manageable actions. For example, if you’re dealing with a big work project, start by organizing your to-do list rather than trying to tackle everything at once. Or, if a friend’s difficult news feels like too much to process all at once, just sit with them and say, “I’m here for you.” That’s enough.

Saving your energy might also look like choosing which battles to fight. If you know a challenging conversation or task is coming later, it’s okay to let smaller things slide for now. You don’t have to face every wave at once—sometimes standing back and waiting is the smartest move.

Relatable Moment: Think about standing at the ocean’s edge. If you’re not ready to swim, it’s okay to stay where the water barely touches your feet. You’re still experiencing the waves, just at a pace that feels right for you. And when you see a big wave building on the horizon, you can conserve your strength for when it really matters.

3. Anchor Yourself by Validating Feelings

When life feels overwhelming, one of the most powerful things you can do is validate feelings. Whether it’s your own emotions or someone else’s, acknowledging them without judgment is like setting an anchor—it helps you stay steady when the waves are rough.

For Yourself: If you’re upset, try saying, “It’s okay to feel this way. This is hard, and I’m allowed to be upset.” This simple act of self-compassion can make a big difference. Remember, emotions aren’t problems to solve—they’re signals to pay attention to. Letting yourself feel without guilt can be incredibly freeing.

For Others: If someone is venting, resist the urge to fix things right away. Instead, say, “That sounds really tough. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” Sometimes, just being a safe space for their emotions is more impactful than any advice you could give.

Why It Matters: Validation creates connection. When people feel heard and understood, they’re more likely to open up, calm down, and work toward solutions. It also shows respect for their experience. For example, if a friend says, “I’m so stressed about work,” and you respond with, “I can see how much this is weighing on you. That must feel overwhelming,” you’ve opened the door for meaningful dialogue rather than shutting it down with quick fixes or dismissive comments.

Practical Tip: Try using reflective language. For instance, if someone says, “I feel like everything is falling apart,” you could respond with, “It sounds like things feel really heavy right now.” Reflecting their words back to them shows you’re truly listening.

4. Find Your Compass in the Waves

Tough times can make you question how you want to move through the world. Staying true to your core values—whether that’s kindness, honesty, resilience, or something uniquely your own—can give you a sense of stability and purpose. When life feels chaotic, your values act like a compass, helping you decide how to respond and move forward.

Why It Matters: Acting in alignment with your values helps you feel grounded, even when external circumstances feel out of control. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about showing up in a way that feels authentic to who you are. For example, if generosity is a core value, you might offer support to a friend in need even when your own plate is full. If fairness is a value, you might stand up for yourself—or someone else—in a difficult situation, even when it feels uncomfortable.

Practical Tips on How to Handle Tough Times by Staying Aligned:

• Identify Your Core Values: Take a moment to think about what really matters to you. Is it connection? Integrity? Humor? Knowing your values makes it easier to navigate tough decisions.
• Ask Reflective Questions: When you’re faced with a challenge, pause and ask, “What kind of person do I want to be in this moment?” and “How can I act in a way that reflects my values?”
• Celebrate Small Wins: Even small actions that align with your values can have a big impact. Did you respond with patience instead of frustration? That’s a win.

Example: Let’s say a coworker snaps at you during a stressful meeting. If kindness and patience are core values, you might respond with, “It seems like things are really stressful right now. How can I help?” If honesty is a value, you might say, “I understand you’re stressed, but I felt hurt by your tone. Can we talk about this?” Staying aligned with your values doesn’t mean ignoring challenges—it means addressing them in a way that feels true to you.

At the end of the day, being true to yourself during hard times is about showing up as the person you want to be, not the person the situation tries to turn you into.

5. Wade In with Small, Steady Steps

Sometimes, when things feel overwhelming, the best way to move forward is to start small. Baby steps aren’t just okay—they’re often the best strategy. Taking smaller, achievable actions not only makes the situation more manageable but also helps build momentum and confidence.

Why Baby Steps Matter: When you’re dealing with something heavy, setting a big goal can feel impossible. Instead, focus on what you can do right now, even if it’s something small. These small wins create a ripple effect, helping you feel more in control without draining all your energy.

Example: Let’s say your house feels like a disaster zone. Instead of tackling every room at once, start by clearing off the kitchen counter. Then, if you have the energy, move on to the next thing. And if you don’t? That’s okay too. Progress is progress.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up: It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of self-criticism when you’re not doing “enough.” But here’s the truth: you’re doing what you can with what you have. Give yourself credit for showing up at all. If all you did today was take a deep breath and decide to try again tomorrow, that’s meaningful.

Practical Tip: Break tasks into smaller pieces and celebrate each step. For example, instead of “write the whole report,” start with “write the introduction.” Fun fact: This blog post was written one section at a time, starting with just a few points I wanted to make and expanding on each as I had the energy. Small steps got it done, and they’ll get you through too.

6. Build Your Foundation Before Facing the Storm

When the waves of life crash in, it’s easy to focus on fixing the problem right away. But here’s the thing: we often overemphasize the practical stuff (problems, logic) and overlook the emotional and sensory aspects as “not important enough.” Here’s the tip: people first, then problems.

Addressing the person—their emotions, their body language, their tone—first is sometimes the key to unlocking next-level solutions. In therapy, we call this “bottom-up processing”: focusing on the emotional and sensory experiences before diving into logical problem-solving.

Why This Matters: Think of it like trying to build a house. If the foundation isn’t stable (aka, the person isn’t feeling heard or supported), it doesn’t matter how perfect the blueprint is—the house will struggle to stand. When someone feels safe and understood, they’re better able to collaborate on finding solutions.

Practical Tip: Lead with empathy and acknowledgment. If a coworker says, “I’m so overwhelmed with this project,” resist the urge to jump straight to advice like, “Just prioritize your tasks.” Instead, start with, “That sounds really overwhelming. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.” Address the emotion first, then explore practical steps together.

Real-Life Example of how to handle tough times: Let’s say your partner snaps at you about something small, like forgetting to take out the trash. Instead of immediately defending yourself or offering excuses, try saying, “I can see this has been frustrating. Let’s talk through it.” By focusing on emotions first, you’re laying a foundation of trust before tackling the practical.

7. Find Pockets of Peace Amid the Waves

No matter how rough the waters get, finding moments of calm can keep you going. These pockets of peace (Nadya uses this all the time) act as your safe harbors, helping you recharge and regain strength before facing the next wave. Think of it as drifting into a cozy inlet during a storm—just enough time to rest and prepare.

Why It Matters: It’s tempting to believe you have to stay in survival mode all the time, but that’s not sustainable. Doing something you love, like reading, cooking, or taking a walk, creates little islands of joy in the chaos. These moments remind you of who you are beyond the struggle.

Practical Tip: Build a routine of small rituals that bring you peace. Light a candle, sip your favorite tea, or cozy up in your softest blanket. Create spaces—physical and emotional—that feel like your own safe beach where no wave can reach you.

Relatable Moment: Picture yourself sitting on the shore after the storm has calmed. The sand is warm, the waves gentle, and you feel grounded. Even during life’s chaos, finding those pockets of peace can make all the difference.

Summary: Navigating life’s waves is how to handle tough times

When you’re wondering how to handle tough times, remember, while the waves of life will keep coming — you have tools to navigate them. Strategies such as pausing, saving your energy, validating feelings, staying true to yourself, or taking small, meaningful actions can make a world of difference. If you’re new to handling life’s waves, it’s okay to start in the shallow end. The smaller waves are a great place to build confidence, and having someone there for support—whether it’s a trusted friend or a therapist—can make a huge difference.

It takes years of practice and experience to surf the big waves, and you don’t have to figure it all out at once. Therapy can help you sort through these challenges, understand your responses, and find strategies that truly fit you. The waves analogy is one I use a lot in my practice because it fits so many situations in life—from managing emotions to navigating relationships. With time and the right support, you’ll find your rhythm and learn how to ride the waves with greater ease and confidence. If you’d like to work with me, reach out for a free phone consultation.